How couples can achieve more fairness in their household finances

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Successful financial partnerships involve more than just dividing money — they need equality in financial knowledge and decision making.

“What I strive for is creating fairness and equality inside households when it comes to finances and money,” Doug Boneparth, the president and founder of Bone Fide Wealth, said in a recent episode of Decoding Retirement (see video above or listen below). “What we’re striving for here is everyone knowing at a minimum where your assets are, knowing what income is being generated, having an idea of what the household expenses are, both having access to accounts.”

Boneparth and his wife are in the process of writing “Money Together,” a book that will help couples have meaningful and productive financial conversations.

Rather than just offering advice about joint accounts, they aim to help couples navigate five crucial areas of financial partnership: financial upbringing, past money mistakes, caregiving responsibilities, power dynamics, and risk tolerance.

Ultimately, healthier conversations about money lead to stronger relationships, happier families, and better outcomes for everyone involved, Boneparth said.

“Money is one of these games; it never ends,” he said. “You play it your whole life and it’s constantly changing and constantly evolving, right? It is tricky.”

In the podcast, Boneparth emphasized that while it’s fine for one partner to manage day-to-day finances, both partners need to be actively involved to achieve financial equality in a relationship. This includes knowing the location of all accounts, having shared access to financial apps and accounts, conducting regular check-ins to review net worth and goals, and understanding both the quantitative and qualitative aspects of money management.

“There’s no right or wrong way as far as the division of labor goes,” he said. “But it would be completely unacceptable for [my wife] not to know where the accounts are, where they’re located, how to access them, what our net worth looks like, what spending looks like.”

Boneparth said he and his wife sit down to go over finances on a quarterly basis.

“We go through net worth, we take a look at how we’re doing, and we actually have a real conversation around what’s going on behind those numbers,” he said. “Numbers only tell you so much of the story. How about what our goals are? What did we do well this year? Do we feel free to spend?”

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These conversations matter because it’s rewarding to strive toward goals together. Moreover, not getting on the same page with respect to financial matters could put your relationship at risk.

“It’s almost cliché at this point to say that most relationships don’t work out due to something financially related,” Boneparth said. “If that’s the biggest issue in the long-term success of relationships, we should be addressing that.”

To help couples get started, Boneparth offered some tips for couples to build stronger financial teamwork through understanding and communication.

• Ensure both partners have full access to all financial accounts and apps, regardless of who handles day-to-day money management.

• Schedule regular financial check-ins to review net worth and spending. Boneparth recommended doing this quarterly.

• During these meetings, discuss both the quantitative and qualitative aspects of your finances. This means talking about both the numbers and feelings around your money and goals.

• Create equality in your financial knowledge — both partners should know:

  • Where all accounts are located.

  • How much income is being generated.

  • What the household expenses look like.

  • How to access all financial information.

• Remember that dividing financial tasks is fine, but both partners need complete visibility and understanding of the overall financial picture.

Boneparth also noted that shared resources can help couples track household finances together. For instance, using shared financial apps and online tools creates transparency. Also, consider working with a financial adviser to establish a framework for money discussions.

“By getting household participation around this, we really do increase the probability that you’re going to hit your goals together,” he said. “This is a team game you’re playing.”

Each Tuesday, retirement expert and financial educator Robert Powell gives you the tools to plan for your future on Decoding Retirement. You can find more episodes on our video hub or watch on your preferred streaming service.